Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
