dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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