how can u be prego again
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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