hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
