I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
how drunk are you?
Several
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
