i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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