Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
