Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
what day is it and did you see me today?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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