We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
