I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
