picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
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Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
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Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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