You smell like stripper and shame
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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