yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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