I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
