The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
