they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
