you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
