I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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