Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
