Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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