between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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