Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
