"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
