my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
