apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
