I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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