he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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