Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
