This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Everyone says I win the strip club
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
