note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
