god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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