so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
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At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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