ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
