Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
