It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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