You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Let's get the cat blown out
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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