I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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