Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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