After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
