I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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