help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
