OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
