My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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