A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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