it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
