I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
