Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It was like giving head to a cactus.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
