the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
