Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
