I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i think i just lost a toe
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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