Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
