im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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