her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
