giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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