hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
