I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
