I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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