Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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