If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
