when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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