the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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