Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
3pm strippers are depressing
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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