i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
