tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
