she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
