just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize