I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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