When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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