Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
