Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize