Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
