Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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