I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
