Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
