brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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