i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
