am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
