I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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