omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize