So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This baby is an asshole
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
