we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
