sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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