Your tits are I can't wait for
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
