found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
