a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
3 2 1 whiskey
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
