About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
