I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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