I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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