u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
