so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
